The winding road that I called “Life”

Hey y’all!Just out of curiousity, I would like to have some feedback on these questions that left my mind pondering. A friend of mine told me that there is a difference between "I like you as a friend" and "I love you as a friend".

Most of the time I heard people said, "I love you as a friend", and it didnt occurred to me until now that there is probably a slight difference. I came with a conclusion that statement sounded more of a negative feel rather than a possitive one with "I like you as a friend." It sounded like as if the person is abit pretentious or doubting his or her feelings for you. What do y’all think? I think we heard that statement often before that we sort of take it for granted, without giving it much of a thought.

Ever pay a visit to the land of tears?Ever wondered what tears are all about?Tears can be tears of joy, happy, sad, depression, lonely..lately I been visiting that place one too many time..I dont think I ever have any experience with tears of joy before..often my tears were based on mainly depression..heck!Sometimes they just come without any reasons.

But I do know lately my tears were due to stress and frustration..small matters seem big to me then..Mainly maybe im truly really unhappy with my work.I can only wait and wait ’till I get an offer somewhere else before I can leave this work away.I know it doesn’t guarantee me that I won’t be encountering hardship in my new work, but at least then I know could learn from something totally new and not seem stuck in this one.It’s truly strange about tears…it hurts when we cry but after that you sort of feel burden been lifted off awhile from your shoulders..Indeed it’s such a secret place,in land of tears.

Im going to start a list of things I really hate at the moment in my life.I know and believe that the word "hate" is such a strong word to use for describing a feeling, but I gave up. At the moment, there isn’t another word could replace that feeling. I will be adding on to the list from time to time.

1. I REALLY HATE the word/name Linggam!(one of my superiors)
2. I hate being pressured
3. I hate myself for being so nice, always feel like it’s a must that I could pleased everybody in this entire universe!
4. I hate hypocrate, and even worse when I do find myself like that in some situations.
5. I hate when people play games with love.
6. I hate the fact that love has to be complicated and bittersweet experience.
7. I truely hate my work at the moment.
8. I hate the fact that we live in such a materialistic country and culture. I hate the fact that we can’t really stop for awhile to smell the flowers because if we do, we will get left behind.
9. I hate myself, for being abit lazy, lacking of initiative in things, for being so god damn pestimistic!For being indecisive in things, for being pretencious at times because I always put others’s feeling first than mine, ending getting myself disappointed and hurt.
10. I hate my conscious! It won’t let me be mean or wrong for awhile without coming to hunt me later.
11. I hate my life at the moment where my social life has plugged to the bottom pits!
12. I hate when I’m on my PMS ‘coz I get emotional outburst easily!
13. I hate the fact that God created us males and females so differently that we ended up making each other lives completely mess and miserable!

To my friends who are playboy/playgirls type,never say "I love you"if you dont care.Never talk about feelings if they aren’t there.Never touch a life if you mean to break a heart.Never say you will,if you don’t plan to start.never look in teh eye when all you do is lie.The cruelest thing a guy can do to a girl is to let her fall in love, when he doesnt’t intend to catch her fall…and that works both ways..

To my friends who are married, love is not about "it’s your fault," but "I’m Sorry," Not "Where are you," but "I’m right here," not "How could you," but "I understand," not "I wish you were ," but "I’m thankful you are."

To my friends who are engaged, the true measure of compatibility  is not the years spent together, but how good you are for each other.

To my friends who are heartbroken, heartbreaks last as long as you want and cut as deep as you allow them to go.The challenge is not how to survive heartbreaks but to learn form them.

To my friends who  are naive, how to be in love:Fall but don’t stumble,be consistent but not too persistennce.Share but never be unfair,understand but try not to demand and get hurt,but never keep the pain.

To my friends who are still holding on.A sad thing about life is when you meet someone and fall in love,only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be.And that you have wasted years on someone who wasn’t worth it.If the person isnt worth it now, he/she is not going to be worth it a year or 10 years from now. Let go….

I really love reading and collecting quotes especially the onew with great meanings, meanings that can relate,reflect and touches you.I always feel good when I do come upon those and some did awaken me when I’m in a dilemma mode.Thus I hope the following ones could do the same for some of you out there.

• There are moments in life when you miss some one so much that you want to pick them from your dreams and hug them.Dream what you want to dream;go where you want to go;be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all those things you want to do.

• Love begins with a smile , grows with a kiss and ends with a tear.The brightest future will always based on a forgotten past, you cant go on well in life until youlet go of your past failures and heartaches.

• The happiest of people dont’t necessarily have the best of everything;they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.Happiness lives for those who cry,those who hurt,those who have searched , and those who tries,for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives.

• Whenyou were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smilling. Live your life so that when you die, you’re the one who is smilling and everyone around you is crying.

• May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you string, enough sorrow to keep you human,enough hope to make you happy.

Many things happened this year, mainly about to love, be loved and hurt..more often with the people i know. Hence recently i came about this quote or so called essay written off somewhere,it’s very true with what it said and i thought it was quite inspiring and wanted to share with you all. I’m sure everyone can relate to it one way or another.

Have you ever wondered which hurts the most?Saying somethin and wishing you hadn’t?or saying nothing and wishing you had? I guess the most important things are the hardest things to say. I wish i could say freely not to be afraid to tell someone you love them but i couldn’t. If you do, they might break you heart..if you don’t, you might break theirs. Have you ever decided not to become a couple because you were so afraid of losing what you already had with that person?Your hear decides whom it likes and whom it doesn’t. You cant tell your heart what to do, it does it on its own..when you least suspect it or even when you don’t want it to.

Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you had, but that other person was too afraid to let you?Too many of us stay walled up because we are too afraid to care too much..for fear that the other person does not care as much, or even at all!

Have you denied your feelings for someone because you fear of rejection was too hard to handle?We tell lies when we are afraid…afraid of what we don’t know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But everytime we tell a lie, thething we fear grows stronger. Life is all about risks and requires you to jump. Don’t be a person  who has to look back and wonder what they could have doen or could had have.

What would you do if everytime you fell in love, you had to say goodbye?What would you do if everytime yo wanted someone they would never be there?What would you do if your best friend died tomorrow and you never got to tell them how you felt? I only hope after reading this blog, you all will understand and take comfort in knowing somebody out there cares about you and you always will.

Im deeply confused and tired these days, not due to only my work but tru everything else been going on with my life lately.I guess I had suddendly realised that gosh Im 24 this year and where the hell all those time passing by me?I wonder with this age, what have I really accomplished so far..and that I feel like not much.There are ppl who have advised to live a little, have fun while you still can, you are young, only in 20’s, but I cant help feeling I need to feel Im doing some useful or contributing something to this life time..

I feel like I have a soul of a 40 year old..maybe older..Wish time freezes

The Dog is entirely dependable, and has an inherent sense of justice. Dogs are loyal to their friends and always listen to the problems of others. Although they can be critical of others, Dogs would never let down a friend in a crisis. They can be hard workers, but are not all that interested in accumulating wealth. They like to spend time relaxing. Dogs take time to get to know people but have a tendency to pigeonhole them. When they want something badly, they can be persistent. If roused, they can be obstinate. Occasionally, they lash out, but their temper is usually short-lived. Some Dogs can be rather nervous and may be prone to pessimism. 

http://app.indya.com/astrologyapp/chinese.asp#

Feeling in love is the very last thing I want now but I really cant stop feeling so at times.Ever encounter anyone annoyed you at times and you cant really get mad at them?At least not for very long?I have many questions ’bout this particular people I befriends with..and I wondered how much of a body language can tells you things?One of them today came to ask me opinions bout a serious topic,while talking feeling frustrated abit I guess, he sort of play a little footsie with me,a little tapping my knees..You see..this is interesting to me as this person and I are as open to anybody and anything can be,but at times i do feel abit strange as it’s hard t find any guys who are that open in Malaysia. Another person is also a very close friend of mine, who many times I’m confused by his body language. Though I know he is interested in someone else, and the loyal type, at times there were just gestures he did that puzzled me to think that he might have a tiny feeling for me but due to how our friendships is like, he maybe not want to risk anything. I dont understant why guys say we females are complicated and cant figure us out. Me either on the males!

Recently I started to read a book by Amy Tan,"The Kitchen God’s Wife". I came across an interesting chapter which I could totally relate to.One of the main character was complaining how her absent-minded friend can leave some important or big events memories that impacted on others,behind.They were war buddies,during the China and Japanese wartime.She remembers her friend came and save her once during a warning given by the Japaneses,at the city of Nanking.She never did thanks her then and after many years later she remembered and wanted to thanks her, but unfortunately her friend claimed that she remembers nothing but the duck kidneys she ate there once, like it was nothing worth to keep in her mind.Meanwhile this main character remembers everything, happy and sad ones, the ones nobody else remembers them.That, the character claimed it’s a very lonely feeling.

That last sentence struck me while reading the chapter.I could totally relate to that!Example, my brother who came back from the States,turned to a different person.He claimes he has some sort of amnesia,certain things he can’t remember especially things that happened during his childhood.And that really hurts me to hear that as most of those childhood times includes me, having fun with him, being the big brother to his sister.To say he can’t remember the time he thought me how to catch ants, freeze them in a bottle so they can be still and be drawn,how I learn to ride a bicycle from him..all those memories that only to be known by both of us,and only I remembers them..yes..It’s a lonely feeling.

It’s a very lonely feeling when the only person you think could understand or see the same wave lenght as you about issues of life, is not someone who can be with you 24/7.You tried explaining yourself to others who is around you often and they just dun get you, thinking you are just too deep and complex…yes indeed it’s a very lonely feeling…